Exams are over, the holiday has officially begun. With quite a shock. I had a great time yesterday and after over three hours of working up my courage, I told him.
I’m really proud of myself that I did, that I dared to ignore all of the voices in my head, and just went for it, regardless of the consequences. I was standing there, and told Thomas I was in love with him. But…
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Hello, my dearest readers.
Exams are relatively over, meaning I’ve had 4 in one week, and now have to wait yet another week for the last, simple one.
Which is good, because on the very same day, I will (hopefully) tell him. And I need to be prepared, because it will either start a period of bliss, or a period of being heartbroken and downright blue. And apparently no-one I know that knows him as well, is able to give even a little heads-up on his reaction. I’ve got no clue whatsoever about the fashion he will react, if he’ll react at all, and even less about what it will be.
But then I remember the motto I took from 30 Seconds to Mars, and what it means to me. Provehito in Altum, with various translations and meanings. And mine comes down to launch forth into the deep. Stop being scared off the consequences, and just go for it. I’ve done a couple of things according to it, and none of it has turned out disastrous (yet). And I also remember the writing on the wall in A Cinderella Story, which I’ve conveniently seen yesterday.
“Never let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game.”
So, that’s the plan. Any concrete tips, details or how-to’s are most welcome, because all I have are the basic outlines, and the very childish idea of telling very quickly and then running away like hell. With the risk that he didn’t understand what I said, or I end up under a car, or whatever. Meaning: all help is welcome 
.
To be continued…
XOXO, AnFie
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I know it’s been a huge while since I posted, and I’m sorry to say I just forgot to…
It seems like the time between London and this moment has flown by, with both highs and lows. I can’t even remember half the stuff I did this past 4 months. So, no what I’ve been up to since the last post, just one simple update.
I fell in love.
Yeah, isn’t that great? I beg to differ. Being in love brings out the absolute worst in me. While my usual attitude can hardly be described as lacking confidence, it is what happens to me when I have a crush, love interest, whatever word you choose to use.
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I’ve made almost half of my exams. They really seem to rule my life right now, and it’s feels like this competition, me versus school.
I don’t really mind. I like competition, even when it’s not for the win. I like competing with myself, trying to be the best possible person. I like competing with other people, because in a way, it makes my rise out above myself.
When I say competing with other people, I don’t really mean competition in the real sense of the word. I don’t want to beat them, I don’t want to leave them all beaten up. What I mean is that I just love it when people challenge me, question my opinions and make me think.
I need this kind of thing, the making me feel out of sync, uncomfortable with what I’m saying. It makes me really think about the things I’m blurting out. It’s in those moments I can no longer pretend like I’m the all-knowing it-girl. It confronts me with my limits, and it keeps me from bragging about all the things I do know.
There are some people I know who are probably way smarter than me. At times, they make me feel like this ignorant ditz, because the things I say and believe seem so futile and naive compared with theirs. And I can’t get enough of talking to them, because these conversations make me better. They enhance my logic, I learn new things, they make me better in general.
At times I’m exhausted after these kind of conversations, but in the end, I’m grateful for the things they taught me. So at the end of this blog I would like to thank those of you who challenge me, and invite those of you that feel the same about this subject, to challenge me back! If you think I’m talking bullshit, say so. If you disagree, say so. I had one of these conversations on Wednesday, after my exam, and it was one of the most rewarding and satisfying things I had done in quite a while.
Because if life (and love) is a competition in the way I see it, everyone is winning. When people try to outgrow their limits through these challenges, they eventually win more than the challenger does. Questioning and challenging people makes people better, as long as it’s within reason and doesn’t turn out as a quest for personal victory, for humiliating others or for making yourself feel better.
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First day of 2008, perfect time for my new year’s resolutions.
I make them every year, but rarely do they come true. Sometimes because I stopped pursuing them, other times because they stopped mattering. This year is the first time I’m posting them on-line, and I hope that’s a strong incentive to follow through this time. Read the rest of this entry »
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