We’re going down swinging: Shooting Stars
Hi!
Again, a while since I posted, but not much has happened since. This one is called We’re going down swinging, but is a happy one nevertheless.
Yesterday I met up with my friend Sam in Bruges-town. We went to the chocolate bar for a drink and after that we just wanted to lounge a bit, so we went to this little park in the centre. After being adult-ish for a while and just sitting on the benches, we decided that we really felt like going on the playground itself.
Yes, I’m fully aware of the fact that it may be childish, but I really love playgrounds. This one was rather boring though, with only ladders and a slide. After going up and down a couple of times, we were just lying in the grass, talking.
And I like it. It reminded me of how much I enjoy talking to people, really about anything. I find it easy and relaxing, even when it’s with people I don’t know all that well. Maybe I’m a bit too forthcoming at times (I tend to often hear the phrase ‘too much information’, but whatever), but I’m fond of all sorts of talk. Whether it’s just socializing, or a deeper discussion about politics, the facts of life or love, I just love it.
After that, we went to another playground, a bigger one this time. By then, night had fallen and it was deserted, so we had it all to ourselves. I’ve decided that swings are my favourite part of the playground. I like the feeling you get when you’re swinging: the wind blowing through your hair, the slight feeling of fluttering in your stomach, caressing the sand with your toes, going higher and higher only by stretching your legs.
I love it, and don’t care if it’s childish. What’s wrong with really playing, the physical activity? Yesterday it made me feel happy, happier than I’ve been in a while. Just doing what I wanted to do, not caring what people would think.
Exhausted from swinging, we dropped on the grass and just looked at the stars, which to me looked like a lot of glittering dots. After a while, we were able to discern the Big Bear. I wish we could have seen (well, recognized) more of the constellations, but my knowledge about the skies and heavens is mostly theoretical. I can tell you that the star closest to Earth is Alpha Centauri, I know Cassiopeia looks like a W, but don’t ask me to point them out at night.
I think that to be a pity, and hereby I’m extending an invitation to anyone who wants to show me all of it on a starry night.
The perfect ending of the evening came when we saw a shooting star, and made a wish. I won’t tell you what it was, because if you do, it’ll never come true…
Hope you all see a shooting star soon,
AnFie
I-Empire: Break my fall
Hello, my dearest readers.
Exams are relatively over, meaning I’ve had 4 in one week, and now have to wait yet another week for the last, simple one.
Which is good, because on the very same day, I will (hopefully) tell him. And I need to be prepared, because it will either start a period of bliss, or a period of being heartbroken and downright blue. And apparently no-one I know that knows him as well, is able to give even a little heads-up on his reaction. I’ve got no clue whatsoever about the fashion he will react, if he’ll react at all, and even less about what it will be.
But then I remember the motto I took from 30 Seconds to Mars, and what it means to me. Provehito in Altum, with various translations and meanings. And mine comes down to launch forth into the deep. Stop being scared off the consequences, and just go for it. I’ve done a couple of things according to it, and none of it has turned out disastrous (yet). And I also remember the writing on the wall in A Cinderella Story, which I’ve conveniently seen yesterday.
“Never let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game.”
So, that’s the plan. Any concrete tips, details or how-to’s are most welcome, because all I have are the basic outlines, and the very childish idea of telling very quickly and then running away like hell. With the risk that he didn’t understand what I said, or I end up under a car, or whatever. Meaning: all help is welcome 
.
To be continued…
XOXO, AnFie
Streets of London/Concertina
It’s official! The holidays have started, after four weeks of desperation and despair, also know as exams.
Seven exams have been made, hopefully seven exams haven’t been failed, but updates on that come Saturday. I honestly can’t say I’m excited because of it, scared is the better word for how I feel when I think about that particular aspect of exams.
What I am very, very, very excited about, is my little trip to London, starting tomorrow!
3 nights in a city filled with heavenly delights, in every aspect. Tons of free museums (a must for art-lovers like me), tons of shopping streets (I do tend to have some shopaholism), and last but very much not least! The Thirty Seconds To Mars gig on Thursday in the Hammersmith Apollo!!
I cannot even begin to tell you how much I look forward to that, but just imagine me excited, times one thousand! I love music, even when just listening to a cd or my iPod, but live, it’s even better. Most of the concerts I’ve attended gave me painful jaws, from smiling and singing all the time, so I’d say I’m rather active when I go to a show.
But this one… Their music has helped me through lately, it was what started and ended my day, it has gotten me up and running when I was down, but also calmed me down when I was way to up. I absolutely adore it, and the thought of seeing them live seems almost to surreal.
So, I guess London will be fun, fun, fun and very gratifying on many levels. I’ve packed my camera already, so my next blogs will more or less be a day-to-day overview of my trip (yes, I like to cross the line and go “too much”).
Have a nice holiday!!
A Beautiful Lie?
Today, I had another exam, Theory of the International Relations. This very interesting course feels like the intersection of history, politics and philosophy. As appealing as the course is, it was still hell to actually memorize.
One of the reasons I mention this, is because one of the theories has something to do with Postmodernism, or PoMo. Today, I also took a test about my world view, and apparently I’m a Postmodernist. Read the rest of this entry »
Jealousy…
I’ve been ill the past week, and basically all of the new year. It’s been a crappy time, because it gave some serious trouble in my preparation for the exams, which have started yesterday.
Thankfully, the first exam was American History, a rather light course and very interesting. I think I passed it, so onward!
Next up is History of Japan, on Friday. Hopefully it will go as smooth. It’s one of my favourite courses and I’ve worked a lot for it during the year, so we’ll see.
In the passed week, I had to fill my time with something else then studying, since the fever and the headaches made focusing rather hard. I’ve listened to music instead.
Yes, music, no matter how contradictory music and headaches may sound. And this time, I really listened to it, listening to the lyrics and being insanely jealous of songwriters. I have the same thing with poets, often I get the feeling as if they’re describing me, my situation or how I feel, better than I ever could.
Music…
Today I discovered 30 seconds to mars, and I love it. I like the lyrics, I like the melodies, I like the darkness, and I like the lead singer.
That’s how I discovered it. After watching Alexander (the movie, which is far from brilliant, I know), I checked the leads on www.imdb.com, and when I checked Jared Leto’s profile, it said: Alternate Names: 30 seconds to mars.
I already knew “From Yesterday”, but being the obsessed person I am, I’ve checked all the other stuff as well.
I know that I may be “behind”, that people discovered them ages ago, and “they’re old news”. I don’t believe music can be old news, especially good music. But I used to be one of those people, eager to discover music way ahead of others, in order to be all arrogant when people said, do you know so-and-so.
I still feel pride when a band I particularly love hits the charts, but I no longer feel the need to brag about it, because in the end music is personal, and charts don’t matter, nor does it matter when people discover a certain band, as long as they discover it.
As the great John Miles once sang: “Music was my first love, and it will be my last”.
Letting go?
I can’t let go.
I know it’s very common, and everybody has trouble letting go. But in my case: I can’t admit defeat, at least not myself. I can admit I’ve been wrong, made the wrong choices and almost everything among those lines.
But at the end of the day, when I’m sitting in my room, looking out the window into dark skies, or into my soul, I refuse to admit defeat. I harbor past loves, past friendships. I don’t want to know that somehow, I have failed. I refuse to acknowledge that I screwed up, and I want to keep on trying to fix things. I’m naively optimistic, I have a persistent belief in a happy end.
Yesterday, I was talking to the person I referred to in earlier posts, my former friend. In university, there’s an opportunity to study abroad for a year. It’s called Erasmus, and yesterday was the information moment. He didn’t show, although I know he wants to go. So I say, haven’t seen you there. And before I even got the chance to ask if he wanted to copy the brochures, he began ranting, that we were at war, and I was probably only asking out of some sick sense of opportunism.
And then I asked, if we are at war, what hellish things can I expect? The answer was, nothing, you’re not worth any effort. And I was on the verge of telling him that ‘war’ only applies when open hostility takes place, and explaining in, and falling into semantics, when all over sudden, I realised that there was no point. I had to let go, because if I discussed it, the effect would’ve been minimal, or probably making things worse.
So, for the first time I managed to let things rest, to be the better, but somehow, I’m not satisfied. I can feel this urge to make things better, even though I know that better is impossible.
I want to strive for the best, but sometimes, and especially lately, the best or even just better seems unreachable…
